Relationships are the foundation of a happy and fulfilled life. We can have all the money in the world, but without happy, healthy relationships we are kind of lost. Where, how do you ensure that your relationships are flourishing? When you are so excited, you can’t wait to get back to your loved ones. Marriage is a lot of work. When we say I do, you are in a state of pure bliss that feels like it’s never going to end. Wait till you get back from your honeymoon and you have to pick up wet towels from the bathroom floor and all his clothes are everywhere except in the washing basket.
Then you have your first child and nothing prepares you for the sleepless nights and constant near exhaustion. You are tired all the time and start wondering, how did I get here? It’s not fun anymore. Children eventually grow up and they bring you so much joy and it will all be worth it. Even though your partner makes you angry, hurt your feelings, just think back to the time when you first got together. What was it about him that attracted you in the first place? Sure, there was a lot of sexual chemistry, but that cannot be all. You’ll need a stronger foundation than that when things get rough. It’s easy when things are easy. It’s not so easy when things are hard. When you have a crying, colicky baby in your arms and he comes home from work, where he did not have to put up with the crying, colicky baby and he asks: “what’s for dinner?” You want to throw him with the crying, colicky baby. Anyway, why do you have to put up the crying, colicky baby alone? He is 50% of the reason why you have a crying colicky baby in your arms!
You wonder how your parents made it through. Things must have been easier back then. No, not really, it’s the mindset that was different. Yes, women were more dependent on their husbands back then, for their own and their children’s welfare. Now women earn more, they are more independent and can also wear the pants if they wanted to. But let him wear the pants. It will save you a lot of heartache. Men are wired to be the breadwinner and take care of the family. It’s great that you can contribute, but let him take the lead. We believe we have changed so much, but the fundamentals stay the same. You just have to look past all the noise and hype. It is no easy decision to decide that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Let it not be an easy decision to call it quits and throw it all away. We women can be very stubborn and want to have the last word. You may win that fight, but at what cost? If he has said or done something you don’t like, that makes you upset, let him know, but leave it at that. Don’t get vindictive and bring up his past mistakes and failures. That’s what will drive him away. You must let go sometimes and trust the process. Trust that things will work out. That you both will get to that happy place again. The getting back takes time. You have to be patient. But like everything else that is worth persuing, it will be worth it.
Once you have children you owe it to them to try again and again and to not give up. Make a decision to stop fighting and work towards peace in your home. In the middle of a heated debate, take a deep breath, tell yourself that it’s not worth it. You’re not throwing in the towel. Just take out the pot and get dinner going. Actions speak louder than words. Watch, and wait and see who will want to cuddle tonight. Can you smell the victory? Girl, it’s all up to you.