Women, We Should Do Better

What would you do if you were in her shoes?

Photo by KEEM IBARRA on Unsplash

I read a tweet over the weekend that got my blood boiling. Someone said his brother nearly got killed while he was out jogging. I jog a lot, almost every afternoon. Maybe it’s time to set up that private gym in the garage. And these people running without masks.

I’ve been trying to do my part, even as I pant like a bitch on heat after the first corner because the damn mask is trying to suffocate me. But I wear it nonetheless. I want to do my part. We all have our parts to play. It’s your choice. You always have a choice.

That wasn’t what really got me upset. It’s the fact that in the next paragraph he said that his brother just found out that he had a 14-year-old son. Some woman called him up on Facebook and said, dude, I had your child 14 years ago. He went for a DNA test to confirm that the child was his. He was.

The reason why I am quite livid right now is that I want to know which person keeps a child from his father for 14 years? I mean really! I know that is how we get back to men, that’s how we punish them, we want them to suffer as we suffered. It’s been done for generations. We can justify all we want.

Photo by Chayene Rafaela on Unsplash

All you succeeded in doing is keeping away a father from his child. You think you got him back, but it is your own child who suffered without a father for 14 years. 
Dad couldn’t see his son walk for the first time, say his first words, see his first tooth coming out. Dad couldn’t teach him how to ride his tricycle. Dad wasn’t there for his first day at school.

We are not in a position to judge. We shouldn’t. It has been done. All we can do is move forward now. At least dad will be there now for the rest of his life. Thank you, mom, for giving dad that chance.

The reason I’m writing here is so that the next mom or mom-to-be who is coming before this very junction and having to make the same decision, will think twice and choose wisely. That she will consider the implications and not make an emotional decision. Let him know. He has the right to know. Ladies lets become a generation that does better. Not just in words, but actions too.

Photo by Chris Benson on Unsplash

However hard it might be at that moment. Make the right choice. Trust the process. It won’t let you down. There may be people around you who want to dissuade you. Tell you it won’t work, that you’re making a mistake.

At least one day you can look your son in the eye with the knowledge that you made the right decision for him. However, it turns out thereafter does not take away from the fact that when you were at the crossroads you chose wisely.

Life is short. We realise it now more than ever during this pandemic. A person can be taken from us at any moment. Therefore, make the right choices.

Don’t let your heart be troubled. For whatever you are going through has happened before, there were brave women before you and not so brave women. Which one will you be?


Black Families Matter

That’s firstly a two-parent home, secondly a financially secure two-parent home.

Photo by Shawnee D on Unsplash

“All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

A few weeks ago the world woke up to the shock of racism and police brutality in America with the shameless death of George Floyd.

George Floyd, his only crime was that he was a black man.

My husband is black, my father was black, my brothers are black, my boys are black.

It doesn’t matter that Oprah is the richest woman in the world. She couldn’t help him.

It doesn’t matter that Barack Obama was a two-time American president. He couldn’t help George.

Kanye couldn’t help.

There is something infinitely wrong with today’s society. Men don’t know where they fit in, they don’t know their place.

Fifty years ago, the man was the head of the family. He protected and cared for his family. He fought off lions if he had to. He was the embodiment of courage, strength, perseverance and determination.

Now, we are not in danger anymore. Women earn their own money. There is no-one to protect and feed.

Men don’t know where and how they fit in.

Photo by Shawnee D on Unsplash

With the rise of double-income families, and everyone earning equally, well maybe the man should stay at home and look after the babies. After all, she is a lawyer.

We perpetuate this negative mindset with the rise of the feminist. By all means, let’s have our rights, but not at the detriment of your rights as a man.

It is a double-edged sword.

Especially for the kids growing up in these households. My mom is the strong one. The boys grow up thinking that this is the norm.

The girls grow up thinking this is the norm. They don’t have any other means to get a balanced view. We say a college degree and school is a farce. Every child can now be homeschooled, it’s not for the privileged anymore.

With that comes the isolation from the community. The kids don’t have to mix with other children or grown-ups anymore. You don’t even need to go to the shops to buy groceries, everything gets delivered to your door. With Amazon, you can get a same day delivery if you order before a certain time. Hell, if you buy more there is no delivery fee.

Our biggest flaw is that we are comfort seekers.

It’s comfortable to keep the kids at home, work from home, get groceries delivered. No-one will be judging you for the choices you make. We see nothing wrong with it because there is nothing to balance it against.

Girls, it’s our job to change this. It starts with using birth control. Most likely he is not ready and neither are you. Don’t throw your whole life away by getting pregnant. That was the 1950s. Guys, keep it in your pants.

If there is anything you need to build early on, it’s some restraint. Restraint to sex, food, drugs, fast cars. Your life can spin out of control so easily and one day you wonder, how did it happen? Every day, slowly, without you noticing.

Ladies, there’s more to having a party and a good time in your twenties. Unknowingly, you are building the foundation of a good family home. Don’t waste it. You can’t play catch up later.

I know that I may be preaching to the converted here and we are all model families. As model as we perceive them to be, but without a doubt, there is someone on the brink of making one of two decisions.

One on his way to make a better life for his current or future family. Another one that thinks that all of this is just too hard. Leave me alone and he turns over on the couch and pulls the sheets over his face.

Which one are you?

Entrepreneur, Hustler & Self-Starter

Don’t let your dreams be asleep with you anymore

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Yesterday, June 26 2020 was my last day of being formally employed. I was at the company for 5 years and had some good times. It was time to move on. With Covid-19 upon us and everyone working from home, I realised just how much I was missing out on with raising my 2 boys. I used to drop them at school at about 07h30 and only be back after 18h00 in the evening. I just didn’t want that anymore.

I decided to trade places and choose them. With that, of course, comes the responsibility of now having to make my own money with my freelance writing and blogging career, as well as the virtual administration business that I have running on the side.

I am very familiar with business, I had a fashion design business making African print ladies fashionwear before. I am even more familiar with failure. I had to close the business after 2 years due to cashflow constraints. One would think this time she would have it all together…

I still have sleepless nights since the day I decided to go on my own about a month ago. How am I going to pay my bills? Am I gonna have to deplete the savings I spend years accumulating? What if I’m forced to look for another job?

If you let loose the demons in your head, there is no end to the stories it will tell you. Of the doubts that you will continue to have. Above all else, get your mindset right. I took a piece of paper and wrote down the pros and cons of taking this major step right now.

You will never be ready, but you have to start somewhere.

Don’t wait for the right time.

The time will never be right.

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

There will never be a better time than right now, in the middle of Covid-19. It is inherently a time for change, for everyone and everything. Companies are changing the way they have been doing business for years.

More employers allow staff to work from home. They are learning to trust their workers that tasks will still be completed, even though they can’t see them. A two-hour commute just doesn’t make sense anymore.

As for the individual, you are made for a time such as this. This is the cue you’ve been waiting for. The time is now. There are so many opportunities to make money online, to make money without leaving your home. It may mean learning a new skill, it may mean just brushing up on a skill that you have. But it does mean that you have to work harder than ever before.

Working on your own is not for everyone. The possibility of failure is real and it can crush you. Allow some caution and common sense in your decision making. Discuss it with your partner and family. You will need their support. They will want you to succeed, that’s great encouragement and motivation to get going.

Alas, time doesn’t stand still, it waits for no-one.

This is a tweet I wrote about 3 days ago.

You can be a new person in 6 months’ time.

Start now.

With hands shaking and knees trembling, I have started.

You can too. Let’s do this!